In the Second Reading today I was struck by the phrase, “Do not get drunk with wine but be filled with the Spirit.” It is a beautiful saying because it addresses the human condition, it addresses our human weakness. Why does one get drunk? Why does one commit any sin really? Why do we do things we know are wrong? Why do we justify and hold onto things, often in a hidden sense, even though if we had to talk about some of our desires they would horrify us?
During my walk here in Spain, I have had the privilege of listening to, “The Confession of St Augustine.” I tried reading it many years ago but was not able to. However, listening to it has been pretty easy. What struck me was how St Augustine struggled to break free from the sin of lust. In his bravery he exposes his heart. He truly felt he could not live without it. He even prayed, “Lord, make me chaste but not too soon.” His struggle with it was what made his catechumenate so long. The change happened when he knew he could not do it by his own strength. He thought maybe marriage is what he should do because of it, though he felt unsettled about it and he was right to think that marriage is not the place to take out your lusts. So St Augustine discovered that he could not do it alone. This is the key to the change. He was convinced about the Christian faith of God and the truth of it all but he could not live the moral life without God’s help. This is when the change happened.
I think this is a turning point in all our lives, when we discover that we truly need God in order to live the life we know we are called to. If we are not filled with God, we cannot avoid sin. This is our sorrowful plight, that we can not do it on our own. Yes, inside of each of us are desires that we are ashamed to mention yet those desires all have a healthy way of being met and that is in God. When was the last time you let God fill you? Today God, in the First Reading, offered you a rich feast, set out for your desires. In the Gospel, we are offered Bread from Heaven that whoever eats of it will have eternal life. Yes, we can try eating from the earth to satisfy our secret desires but they will destroy us and hurt those around us.
Today at Mass allow the Lord to satisfy you. Take the desires of your heart, the secret, perverse, destructive ones, and present them to the Lord. Ask for His great satisfaction in this Holy Meal that our Lord has set before you. The Lord is looking to satisfy. We must be like Peter who says, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”