General Stonewall Jackson, lying wounded on his bed, was known for his bravery and calm. Even in the thick of the battle, he never seemed to show fear. He was asked what his secret was. He said, “I believe that God has set the hour and manner of my death. I cannot shorten or lengthen it, I can only be prepared for it. That is why I am no more worried in the battlefield or on my bed.”
I have discovered that life is pretty scary. It is wild and unexpected. There are more things that I can’t control than what I can. I am responsible for what I can but life becomes so hard when we spend it worrying about what we cannot control. I thought that when I became an adult (and trust me, I put it off as long as possible) I had this idea that I would have it all together and be able to deal with everything because I was bigger. But I found that my small problems as a little person just got bigger and, even though I was bigger, the problems grew as well and so I was in a similar situation once again where I was out of my league. My parents, who could handle my childhood problems, weren’t going to be too helpful because my problems were bigger than them as well. Oh, I admit, we can pretend that we are in the driver’s seat, but that is all we are doing, pretending.
In the First Reading and the Gospel these themes are brought to light, that your problems are bigger than you. You can pretend that they are not, but the fact that you are complaining about them, about bad government and law and people, means that you admit you are powerless to change many things in your life. In the First Reading we hear about the Messiah and in the Gospel we have the fulfillment of that prophecy. The Jews of Jesus’ time, like us, thought that the entire problem was their external slavery to the Romans. God’s point to them each time He sent a prophet was to tell them it was their interior slavery to idols – idol of strength, of course idols of wealth – that led them to their external slavery. And we, 2000 years later, are still at it. We are still worshiping power, complaining about power, thinking that wealth and health are freedom. We need to put the One in power that is actually in control – God – and worship Him alone.
In the movie Bella there is a beggar. Actually, he is not really a beggar because he makes paper origami and sells them to sustain himself. He had a sign that said, “God made me blind so I could see.” I remember a monk telling me that one of the most touching moments in his life was when one of his brother monks went through an operation and at the end could no longer see. At first he was angry that he lost his sight but he came to a point that he trusted that God thought it was best and rejoiced in it.
We must stop pretending that we are in control. We must hand that control over to God so that we can simply rejoice that Someone who loves us is in control. I admit this is hard because at first it is beyond us to accept something that doesn’t make sense, that isn’t in our plan. I have a small example. One day on my journey, I was feeling pain. I lamented how my pack fit, how my feet hurt, how tired I was. I started to think of what I could do differently. Then I realized that wouldn’t change anything at that present moment. So, I changed who was in control. I thanked God that it was like this and offered up my weakness, my lack of control, my pain for poor souls and then, after a short battle, there was joy. I started singing and rejoicing. It was all still there but it wasn’t because now love was there and there was a greater purpose for what was happening.
To conclude, we have a Messiah who sighs deeply at our afflictions but perhaps most at our greatest affliction which is that we are trying to be in control and we are not. We are complaining about our exterior slavery but it is our interior slavery that keeps us in the exterior slavery. We must learn to thank the One who is in control, vow never to do anything without Him and be thankful because a loving God has a plan and whatever He makes happen, or allows to happen, will turn out for our good end, our internal slavery and give us a true freedom.
This is why we sing. This is why we can give thanks. This is why we can rejoice. This is what makes us free: giving control to the One who is in control – God.